


Saying Goodbye

by WolfenM



Series: Found, Yet Still Lost [4]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Agent Carter References, Aunt Peggy Carter, Awesome Peggy Carter, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bisexuality, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Death, Death from Old Age, Deathbed, F/M, Fear of Flying, Fear of Heights, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Old Age, POV Bucky Barnes, Panic Attacks, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Slow Dancing, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:26:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6144532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfenM/pseuds/WolfenM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peggy's lived a good, long life ....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sholio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sholio/gifts), [Devilc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devilc/gifts).



> If you haven't read "Waking Up" or "Coming Out" (you have to be an AO3 member to read those), just know Steve found Bucky, Bucky has his memories back, and they've learned they were both in love with each other, even way back when. (Steve loved Peggy too, though. But still, note: Bucky in this installment *thinks* Steve *preffered* Peggy -- he's wrong; it's just feelings of inadequacy on his part.)

"--but you have a phone call," came the voice of JARVIS, prying Bucky out of sleep. Still exhausted after a long night of celebratory lovemaking, it took him a moment to register what the AI had said.

"Which of us? Never mind, stupid question. Punk, wake up," he said groggily, shaking Steve.

Steve snored.

Chuckling, Bucky kissed him. "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. Phone."

"Znn?" Steve mumbled, waking.

"There's an Agent 13 on the phone for you," JARVIS explained.

Steve sat up at that, looking puzzled. "You mean Sharon? My old neighbor? Huh. Put her on speaker."

" _Steve?_ "

"Hey, Sharon, how are ya? You're on speaker, by the way -- and my boyfriend's here."

Bucky supposed it was right to give that warning regardless, but he had a strange feeling that the word "boyfriend" was meant to ward her off. Who was this woman, that Steve might feel the need to do that?

Was she an ex-girlfriend?

" _Oh! Uh, hello, Sergeant Barnes!_ "

"Call me Bucky, please!" Then, "How did you know my name?"

" _Well, you two have kind of been all over the news ...._ " He could hear the amusement in her voice.

Looking at Steve then, Bucky wondered which of them was blushing more.

"Captain Rogers, I'm calling about Peggy Carter. They say she doesn't have long, and I ... I thought you might want to say goodbye." Her voice broke a little along the way.

Steve grew ashen. "Peggy ... Oh, God, I haven't seen her in _months!_ "

Bucky felt sick. Doubtless Steve had only stayed away because he was searching for -- then helping -- Bucky!

"Well, I'd tell you she'd understand, but she doesn't understand much of anything of late. And feeling bad isn't gonna get you here any faster either, so skip the wallowing and just start packing."

Bucky bit back his anger at how she spoke to Steve; she sounded upset, and people tended to be harsh when they were upset. He decided it would be more helpful to just support Steve than to get defensive. "Where is she staying?" he asked. (Steve, head in his hands now, was clearly too upset to focus.)

She gave the information, and abruptly ended the call. "C'mon, punk," he ordered, tugging on Steve's hand and climbing out of bed. "Let's get showered first."

Somber, they kept their hands to themselves, then quickly dressed. They didn't pack; Bucky reckoned they'd just buy whatever they needed there. When they entered the living area of their floor, they found Sam, looking worried.

"Oh, did JARVIS tell you?" Bucky asked.

"Tell me what?"

Odd -- if he didn't already know, why did he look so pensive...? "It's Peggy -- the doctors say she doesn't have long," Bucky informed him. "We're going to DC."

"I'll come with," Sam decided immediately. "Just let me grab my bag."

Steve only nodded.

Bucky thought Sam meant he needed to pack, but he came out of his room seconds later with a backpack in hand. Bucky didn't ask what was in there -- probably his wallet, maybe a book, maybe snacks. Bucky had Steve, listless and morose, to worry about ....

Suddenly Steve jerked his head up, looking alarmed. "Wait, how're we gonna get you through the airport, Bucky? You don't have an ID!"

Bucky felt like the floor had opened up. Was Steve going to have to leave him behind?? Besides not wanting to be separated from him -- for either of their sakes -- Bucky realised he wanted to see Peggy, the only other person he knew left from his era, again ....

"I took the liberty of notifying Mr Stark, and he's pulled some strings," JARVIS revealed. You'll find a helicopter on the roof in about fifteen minutes -- that will take you to the airport, directly to Mr Stark's private jet."

Bucky let out a shaky breath of relief. He didn't know what he would have done if not for Stark -- he really needed to find some way to thank the man for all he'd done!

And, well, learn how to navigate this new world ....

Approximately seventeen minutes later, Bucky found himself having a panic attack.

He hadn't ever looked down from the rooftop of the Avengers Tower, but he'd never thought about _why_ he hadn't. Now, looking down between the buildings as the helicopter flew off, he suddenly wasn't seeing cars and concrete, but a snowy mountain valley -- and his pending doom.

"Oh, god!" Closing his eyes tight, he gripped his seat harness for dear life, shivering with cold that felt as real as the straps, whose edges were biting into his hands.

"Buck?" he heard Steve ask though the headphones. He felt a hand on his leg, and it was like anchor.

"Flashback," Bucky explained weakly. "To that ... that day. On the train."

The grip on his knee tightened. "It's okay, Bucky. We're almost there ...."

"And _then_ what?" Bucky asked, voice cracking with panic. The plane ride would be considerably longer!

"Then ... we'll call a cab to take you home."

"No! I need to see Peggy!"

"It's okay, Steve," Sam said then. "I got this. Bucky, think of when you were on the helicarrier -- you were fine, then, right?"

Was this supposed to help?? "I didn't remember the fall, then! Do you want to turn my programming back on?"

"We don't need to. But you fell that day, Bucky -- fell and survived, none the worse for wear. You could _jump_ out of this helicopter right now, and be just fine. Even _that day_ , you survived. And ... well, _because_ of that day, you're here in this time, able to be with the man you love."

Sam made good points, but ... "I don't know about surviving a fall from a _plane_ , though," Bucky remarked.

"Mr Stark has installed parachutes on the plane," the disembodied voice of JARVIS informed them.

"See, there ya go! And I have my wings, so I could always grab you and let you down easy, if need be," Sam pointed out, patting his leather jacket.

Bucky managed a wan smile and a nod, relaxing -- a little. Putting it that way, it did seem stupid to be afraid, but his body wasn't entirely convinced, it seemed. Still, it was enough to get him to board the plane, when the time came. It helped that Steve held his hand the whole way (despite Bucky's white-knuckled grip). And Bucky's knees didn't even buckle in relief when he reached the ground -- nor did he kiss that surface, much as he was tempted to.

He did thank God when they found a limo waiting for them instead of another helicopter, though.

When they reached their destination, Sam didn't go into the hospital with them, instead opting to take a taxi home, claiming he didn't want to intrude on the last of their time with Peggy. Bucky felt something was off with Sam, like he seemed upset, but he didn't press the man. Truthfully, he wasn't sure he had any business being there _himself_ , but he couldn't bear the thought of Steve having to do this alone -- or missing the chance to say goodbye to Peggy.

As they neared the hospital room in question, a pretty blonde woman stood -- Sharon, the woman who'd called, Bucky assumed.

"Captain," she greeted -- a little coldly, Bucky thought.

"Sharon, call me Steve, please." Steve held out his hand.

Sharon ignored it, arms crossed. "The doctor is checking on her; when she finishes, you can go in."

"Uh, thank you. So, um, how do _you_ know Peggy?" Steve asked.

Her eyes narrowed. "You don't actually know my last name, do you?"

"Ah, I'm afraid not."

"It's _Carter_. Peggy is my great-aunt."

Steve looked horrified. "Oh, God. I'm so sorry--"

The doctor came out just then. "Well, she's awake and fairly lucid! No more than two at a time, though, please." And the woman left.

"Do you want to ...?" Steve began.

Sharon shook her head. "I've been here every day for a week. She's been asking after you -- well, when she remembers you." Sharon seemed less angry than sad now.

Steve nodded and went in. Bucky stayed back, suddenly nervous. Maybe Sam had the right idea ....

"She's been asking for you, too, Sergeant Barnes," Sharon said after a moment.

"Hello, Steve," he heard faintly from the other room, then; the voice was rougher, but he could still tell it was Peggy. After having lost his memory for so long, it was a comfort. "Where's Bucky?"

Bucky couldn't see Peggy from where he was standing, but he could see Steve reaching out for him, gesturing for him to join them. Bucky came in and sat on a chair on the other side of the bed. She reached out, smiling fondly -- possibly more than she ever had before, even when they had become friends. He took her hand and kissed it.

"Always such a charmer!" she beamed.

He smiled back, even though suddenly all he wanted to do was cry. "Well, as I recall, you were pretty immune to my charms ...."

She grew sly. "As _you_ were immune to any _woman's_ , for all the dating you did -- at least, you never seemed to stay with any girl for more than an evening. Now, I understand _why_." Smirking, she slipped her hand free and momentarily clicked on the TV, which showed yet another news story on Captain America coming out of the closet with his long-lost best friend.

Bucky wondered if his own face was as red as Steve's.

(Peggy seemed remarkably together for a dying woman!)

Clicking the TV off again, she turned to Steve, looking serious -- and pleased. "I knew you would find him -- not just his body, but his mind. Nothing could keep the pair of you apart forever, not even death."

She turned back to Bucky, squeezing his hand. "I used to be jealous of you, you know. Of that piece of Steve that was reserved only for you. It took a long time for me understand that your piece never could have been mine anyway, because you created it _together_. And even so, Steve Rogers has an infinite amount of love -- plenty for us both. Just as one day, I realised I had plenty of love left in my heart too, for my husband Daniel. While I'm sad that Steve and I never really had our chance together, I'm glad for my time with Daniel. And I'm glad you _both_ lived to see a time when _you_ could have that chance. Take care of each other."

His heart twisted. He knew he should be grateful for the second chance with Steve, but why did things have to have happen _this_ way? Why couldn't the world have let them have the relationship they'd wanted back then -- him and Steve, _and_ Steve and Peggy? Why couldn't Peggy have been frozen in time herself?

"You're the only dame I ever could have shared him with," he told her truthfully.

Oh, he had harboured _some_ resentment towards her, once upon a time, but only because, back then, she was allowed to be with Steve while Bucky _couldn't_ \-- he hadn't resented that Steve _loved_ her. He hadn't know the exact nature of Steve's love for him, but he'd known Steve loved him, all the same. And despite the humiliation of their initial meeting, Bucky still had liked the cool, collected, and authoritative woman that was Peggy Carter -- loved her, even, because _Steve_ had loved her.

If he could, he'd trade places with her now. After all, it wouldn't be that different from when he'd watched them together all those years ago, when him being "with" Steve hadn't even been an option. He may not have had a choice back then, but if he _had_ had one, he'd still have stepped aside for Steve's happiness. It actually killed him a little inside that he _couldn't_ do that _now_ for this man he loved, if Fate was so determined that only _one_ of them -- Bucky _or_ Peggy, not _and_ \-- could be with Steve ....

Peggy seemed about to say something, but coughed instead.

Steve took her hand, looking at their interlaced fingers as if he could will the healing power of the serum into her. "I'm sorry I was away so long," he told her morosely once she recovered. 

"Don't be silly," she chided. "I don't even remember most people these days. You didn't miss much, since I haven't really been _here_!" She tapped her temple.

"I didn't remember much either, for a while," Bucky pointed out without thinking it, instantly wishing he could shove the words back in his mouth, if only his foot weren't in the way. She was trying to make Steve feel better, for crying out loud -- he wasn't helping!

"Yes, but Steve was able to help you get them back!" she countered. "He couldn't have done that for me, so I consider his time better spent with you, and that's the end if it." She grinned and winked. "Now, give us a kiss." She tapped to her cheek.

Swallowing back new tears, he kissed the corner of her mouth, hoping to catch a bit of her smile, which impossibly brightened with the contact.

"You take care of him for me -- for _us_ ," she ordered.

Bucky nodded, a tear slipping free with the motion.

She turned to Steve. "And _you_ still owe me a dance, I believe. Help me up."

Steve looked like he was going to refuse, but then apparently thought better of it. Bucky came around to help, noting then that there were no cords connected to her, not even an IV -- she must have asked to be disconnected, so she could better enjoy her last moments. It made him wonder how much pain she must really be in, how much she was hiding it. Despite her sass, she looked so frail, it made him want to wrap her up in tissue paper ....

"Now, one last thing," she ordered Steve. "Don't think right now about what could have been and wasn't, nor about what's to come. Just be happy we're able to be together _right now_. Okay? Let's have one last happy moment together."

Steve smiled, genuinely but tinged with unshed tears, and nodded. "I love you, Peggy. "

She smiled back, and Bucky swore the years fell away from her, like a cloak. "I love you too."

As they started to sway, cheek-to-cheek, Bucky got an idea, taking his phone out of his pocket. "JARVIS, play Glen Miller's 'Moonlight Serenade'." If he could share Steve himself with her, he could certainly share their song. He lay the phone down on the sidetable, then turned to go.

"Bucky, come here," Peggy beckoned. " I could use a little help staying standing, I think -- and this is Steve's only chance to hold us _both_ , together."

Peggy, it seemed, could share too.

And, Bucky realised as he came up behind Peggy and slid his arms around her waist (after a nod of approval from Steve), maybe it wasn't _just_ a matter of sharing Steve. She'd _asked_ Bucky to be there, with _her_ , to see him and now to dance with them; as he'd come to love her through Steve, maybe _she'd_ come to love _him_ , too.

He kissed the back of her head, then rest his cheek against her hair, closing his eyes. For the rest of the song, he managed to put aside all his insecurities and his sadness. Suddenly, it was like they were back in the war, at their favourite bar, dancing together -- no matter that this had never happened. Like so often since he'd woken up, the past and present blended together until he could no longer tell the difference.

He was content. And from the feel of Peggy in his arms, and Steve's hands on his back, it seemed _they_ were, too.

The song drew to a close, Peggy drawing back and looking up at Steve. She didn't even need to ask; Steve kissed her. After a long moment, it ended, Peggy sighing, satisfied, and laying her head against Steve's chest.

She sagged in their grasp, her life fading as the song did.

They sank to the floor together, Bucky releasing her into Steve's arms. Bucky then put his own arms around Steve, resting his cheek atop Steve's head, Peggy cradled between them.

They wept together, with this last connection to their past besides each other now gone ... but they were _happy_ , too, thankful for the chance to say goodbye -- and for the new memory, however bittersweet.

**Author's Note:**

> There will (hopefully) be one more fic, focused on making the duo into a troika with Sam.
> 
> ############  
> If you've enjoyed my writing, I invite you to explore my original fantasy storyverse, [Gaiankind](http://gaiankind.com)! You can even find Gaiankind stories for free [here](http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Gaiankind) on AO3!


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